SBI this month: For Whom the Hell Calls (Sept, 2K)

Where Scandal Rules Scandal(ou)s Bureau of
[ Information | Investigation | Incrimination | Instigation | Insinuation ]

Scandalous Gentlemen,

The first stage of the invasion of America by btech96 is now complete. Berkeley, CMU, Cornell, MIT, Stanford … we have them all. SBI is proud to reveal that it has even infiltrated the CIA(*).

But in each battle, there are casualties. And it grieves us profoundly that we can never again be the shameless, innocent youngsters who walked out of IIT with eager enthusiasm to take on the world (and what we wanted from it). We have gained much, but we have paid the price. And though we may march in triumph over our spoils (in our limos, mopeds and neighbours’ cars), let us not forget those near and dear whose efforts have made our batch what it is today. Let us honour those who sacrificed so much for the greater glory of the batch.

It is our privilege to reproduce their words and deeds of heroism here. May their scandals never diminish.

*: Cornell India Association.

Vutukuroo Vamsi Krishna:

>: “its also ‘hot’ becuase u see junta going around in umm..
>: practically undies. i have been here since two weeks
>: and i still cannot help myself from staring.”

The honourable Vamsi, who never looked at anything more pornographic than a Kaplan CD finally fell at Austin, a victim of lust. We applaud him for boldly staring at the entire junta, and not confining himself to any single sex.

Noted scandalmonger Kumar Gautam fears there was foul play:

>: “jab vamsi jo saala 15-15 dinon tak nahin nahata tha aur iit ka
>: swimming pool to usne kya hi dekha hoga.. beaches ke baare mein baatein
>: karne lage to samjho daal mein kuch kaala hai…. hahahhahahaha…”

Ceratinly, KG – daal mein Muddi hai.

We salute the heroism of Vutukuroo, who has gone beyond the call of duty
in retaining his virgin honour under such difficult circumstances.

Shuchi Chawla:

[ Readers of SBI will recall the resolute firmness with which Shuchi upheld the honour of the batch by rejecting Ch****d’s proposal to share an apartment in MIT/Stan. We reproduce authentic emails here]

Srinivas Aditya writes: [ IBM trainees list, subject: News from CMU]

>: BTW, i share my apt with deepayan, hope you remember
>: him…btw, does anyone remember me?

Shuchi writes: [Re: News From CMU]

>: >BTW, i share my apt with deepayan, hope you remember
>: >him…btw, does anyone remember me?
>
>: hey.. he forgot to mention ME!!! dont u forget me next time, aditya.. or
>: the consequences…

Nitin Garg writes: [Re: News From CMU]

>: err… are you staying with deepayan and aditya ? i thought you were
>: with some girl ? is there something we dont know ?

Relax, Shuchi. We at SBI do know 😉 And we will never forget to mention you, in fear of the consequences …

Harsh writes:

>: Most of the people know this by now but for all those who don’t I bought
>: a car a month back … and attached is the photo. It is a 2 seater
>: sports honda CRX. So all of u are most welcome to come to DC and get a
>: ride or take it for a ride !!!

>: One of you has already been on it …

Our congratulations to Harsh for taking Vamsi for a ride. Not that there is much to taking Vamsi for a ride. Dumir and Munshi did it every day they managed to wake up. But, as KG points out, Nanda was operating at a disadvantage:

Kumar Gautam:

>: lekin nanda saale ab teri kissi baat pe bharosa nahin hota..

Never mind, Harsh. We believe you. After all, we’ve taken Vamsi for a ride ourselves …

Back home, we are happy to report that our beloved monkey, Mankee (of the late M&D) has been restored to reasonable health. He is back to “hopping from tree to tree” – right now, we hear he has hopped onto MindTree, after jilting Ms. Aditi. Welcome aboard, Mankee.

All the best for the booze party in Bangalore.

Cheers,