Where Scandal Rules Scandal(ou)s Bureau of
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Beloved brethren,
We are sorry to bring you this caricature sketch, bereft of the expertise of our esteemed CEOs, Messrs. Mankee and Dummy, as they are concentrating their skills on their BTPs, and have little time for such trivialities as the person we are about to desecrate. Kindly bear with this humble effort of two lowly special correspondents, who may soon be looking for another job.
We embark upon painting the perilous (but irresistible) picture of the (tor)mentor of masses, the revered, sacred and simultaneously blasphemous FGF – by which we mean the Fair(y) God Father (sometimes miss-interpreted as F*@!ing God Father, or Fairy God F*@!er) – the esteemed CEO and founder of M&D, Neeraj Dumir. We present here the highlights of the colorful, chequered career in academia of this don.
Ever conscientious about the academic status of himself and his fellow men, few remember the FGF’s impassioned crusade as “convenor” in MA111. His eloquent pleas on behalf of the junta to Gyan Bhaskar almost moved Kundu to tears, so picturesque was his portrayal of the class’s problems. However, GB (so we hear from the FGF) simply turned to a group rep., and asked HER if SHE had any problem, received a “No!” in response, and politely told the FGF to stop talking nonsense.
Though shaken, this did not in any way dampen the FGF’s enthu. His miserable bid to become a rep. himself (of EDLC) is well documented in Jwala. (It ended one night with Vaish telling him to do what he did best, i.e. go to sleep.) It must be admitted, however, that after this stint in poltu, even the FGF’s enemies and opponents referred to him as the “only trustworthy guy in the hostel”.
But if this makes you think the FGF was naive, perish the thought. On more than one occasion, he dealt with (and dodged) SKG, who was desperately trying to catch him napping. The FGF’s antics in these classes dispelled any doubts about his being deficient in political skills. Indeed, it was at this time that the title of GodFather was universally acknowledged.
The Fairy God Father has a favourite fantasy – that someone some day will write an article titled “Another One Bites the Dust”, in which the various flings that he has had with partners of all sexes will be narrated. We wish to clarify that all he did with the partners was the assignments, and in his own words, “I didn’t do anything.” Tales date to the days of yore when the Hogger (aka Haldar) had also become the slogger. The two of them had decided to do a summer project under Dr. Sandeep Sen and were supposed to have a date one fine afternoon. It was decided that the FGF would meet the Hogger in the latter’s room in Nil. The Hogger patiently waited, but his date was not kept. A little while later, the FGF (who just woke up from his siesta) noticed a huge hulky hog hovering around his bed. The hog was all tears and said in his melodramatic manner, “Yeh kya ch******* ho raha hai? Tune kaha tha ki tu mere paas aayega.” The harangue was abruptly terminated when the FGF solemnly told the Hogger, “You know what? I think you should do this project alone” and resumed his siesta. Thus the hogger received his first jilt.
It must be pointed out here that the FGF did indeed go for a summer project and that too under Dr. Sandeep Sen. Only, his partners were Rohit Dube, Saurabh Mahajan and Ms. Asha Tara Chandani (a 10 pointer from IIT-K) – definitely prettier choices than the Hogger. While it is not known what came out of the project, there is overwhelming testimony to the effect that Dumir handled Ms. Tara Chandani, Mahajan and Dube with immense dexterity.
It is not just his partners who have had frustrating experiences with the FGF. It is with mixed emotions that we report that the faculty fared just as badly. Perhaps the longest association the FGF has had with a partner was one with Tantan. The two were a happy couple throughout the DHD pracs, finishing all their experiments well in time. This happy association made them continue as partners in MuP as well. Unfortunately, the FGF’s love for sleep exceeded his love for Tantan. Out in the CoDesign Lab, Dr. Taneja would often come and have a look at how various groups were progressing with their projects, generally give them a firing and sigh softly looking at the form of the FGF spread horizontally over 4 chairs. Shedding a silent tear or two, he would then make his way out. This of course was very unlike the first class of Fuzzy Sets, where discovery of a sleeping Fairy God Father by the instructor resulted in the FGF having to walk out.
The FGF was made the SysAd sometime in the fifth semester. Ever since, he has been actively playing xboing and xjewel, always in the quest for new records. Several players of xboing claim that he cleverly engineered the high-score file of xboing so that none else could write to it and his score remained at the top. Though he has ceased doing any administration a long time ago, he continues to have an account on the servers for reasons best known to him.
Sometime in the middle of the seventh semester, the FGF took a wise step (perhaps for the first and only time in his life) – he founded M&D Web Publishing Co. The stated objective was to bore people “with all sorts of nonsense about all sorts of nonsense (about all …… infinite loop)”. But we suspect he derived a sadistic delight from the act by first sending a mail about some miss-fortunate users and then standing behind them to watch them blush and squirm, as he did in the case of the Port 25 MISShucher.
We foresee the Fairy God Father continuing to weave webs of intrigue and laziness wherever he goes, starting from HSS, which he joined in as pretty a company as he had during that fateful summer when he worked with Dube, Mahajan and Ms. Tara Chandani. We wish him all success in his endeavours as CEO of M&D and a happy and blissful life with all his partners henceforth.
Vaibhav Vaish.
Sayontan Sinha.